thor: brother come hang out outside with me and my fifty friends we’re doing sports and then fighting and other jock activities
loki: no i cant i have to take my fourth bath today and listen to my playlist of the sound of snails crawling along concrete i have a VERY tight schedule and you just don’t understand what i’m going through right now or what i need in life you’ve ALWAYS been like this i remember one time when we were seven you –
thor: afterwards we’re going to a gay bar
loki, lobbing his fifty-piece versace shower set out the window as his bathrobe shapeshifts into slutty leather number: well damn bitch lead with that next time
When you ask most people what the best story Marvel has done with Kingpin as the villain
They will probably go with Frank Miller’s Daredevil work
This is because they are FOOLS
Because I can tell you right now that this is the best thing ever done with the character
Kingpin finds out that a bunch of heroes regularly get together to play poker and proceeds to crash their SUPERHERO POKER NIGHT…like literally just knocks on the door and strolls in like a baller
(Sidenote I love how the Human Torch is like ‘WHAT THE HECKIE’ at how surreal this is…the most infamous mob boss in new york, a man who regularly employs supervillains, RHINO PEOPLE and killer robots has just shown up at their front door like “I heard you guys were having a poker game and wanted to come hang out”…like he’s just their Weird Supervillain Neighbour)
But this isn’t what makes this story the best oh no
That’s what Kingpin will do with his winnings if he beats them
What would a depraved supervillain do with all that money you wonder?
Bribery? Fund some grand criminal enterprise? Use it to purchase illegal firearms or in some seedy druge deal?
Nope
He’s going to legally purchase a boat and give it a name that’s a fuck you to the heroes
And then just to rub it in their faces he’s going to ILLEGALLY BUY A CUBAN CIGAR
THIS IS AMAZING
This is like something right out of the Venture Brothers
The heroes arch nemesis, a man who regularly tries to murder them to death, shows up and is just like “And if I win…I SHALL USE YOUR MONEY TO ILLEGALLY PURCHASE A CUBAN CIGAR!”
I BET HE’S GOING TO SMOKE IT IN A MOVIE THEATRE TOO
OR THE NON SMOKING SECTION OF A RESTAURANT
THE FIEND
This is legitimately like something The Monarch or Marik from Yu Gi Oh Abridged would do…I cannot stop laughing at this scene okay it’s amazing
women who perform sexual acts on underage boys deserve to be thrown under the prison never to see the light of day again right next to the men who perform sexual acts on underage girls
and if you disagree you don’t deserve to be around kids. i wouldn’t trust you with my toenail much less a child
i don’t wanna use caps anymore. too loud. i just wanna relax. always chillin. why is there so much violence on tv. food network is the only positive option
pervasive doubt 