arcanerogues:

leliana: *snaps a man’s neck with her thighs*

inquisitor: i’m gonna make her the pope

drackir:

weasowl:

20thcenturyvole:

probablybadrpgideas:

If Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can’t humans be summoned by ants?
The answer is they should be.

Well if a bunch of ants formed a circle in my house I’d certainly notice, try to figure out where they’d all come from, and possibly wreak destruction there.

That’s why knowing and correctly pronouncing the true name is so important to the ritual. Imagine how impossible it would be to not go take a look if the circle of ants started chanting your name.

And they’re like, you can’t leave because we drew a line made of tiny crystals – now you have to do us a favor.

And you’re like, let’s just see where this goes “yup, you got me… what’s the favor?”

and usually the favor is like, “kill this one ant for us” or “give me a pile of sugar” and you’re like… okay? and you do, because why not, it isn’t hard for you and boy is this going to be a fucking story to tell, these fucking ants chanting your name and wanting a spoonful of sugar or whatever.

And SOMEtimes you get asked for things you can’t really do, one of them, she’s like, “I love this ant but she won’t pay any attention to me, make me important to her” and you’re like… um? how? So you just kill every ant in the colony except the two of them, ta-da! problem solved! and the first ant is like *horrified whisper* “what have I done”

This is the best explanation for higher powers I’ve ever really heard.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

astrology-sighs:

Aries: (After hearing terrible pickup lines) “Can I kill him yet? He’s hurting me.”

Taurus: “I see what must be done, and I do it! I see no point in running around in circles like a dog chasing its tail.”

Gemini: “Loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish and if you are done interrogating me, we can discuss it further.”

Cancer: “Could we, perhaps, do battle with a pack of pretty flowers or soft bunnies next time? I’d do much better.”

Leo: (in response to ‘you’re not as handsome as you think’) “I must be, or you wouldn’t have been thinking about it all this time.”

Virgo: “My people had a saying long ago – “The healer has the bloodiest hands.“”

Libra: “Freedom was interesting while it lasted.”

Scorpio: “I have faith in my friends well enough. Faith that they will one day stab me in the back.” 

Sagittarius: “I shall endeavor to exist with less offense.”

Capricorn: “Just once, we should enter a cave and see normal-sized spiders.”

Aquarius: “Magic can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children launched at great speed could kill.”

Pisces: “Demons can’t hear you. It hurts too much. Nothing here makes sense to them.”

shakescene:

victor frankenstein, sweaty and sickly: please fuck off. please fuck off. please fuck off.

his reanimated corpse son: