i had been on a few casual dates with this girl and we went back to my place yesterday and we were gonna yknow…fuck for the first time. anyway she takes off her shirt and it turns out she has a six pack (an honest to god could grate cheese on it six pack) and i was so surprised/turned on that i couldn’t breathe and passed out, hit my head and she had to drive me to the er. i have 4 stitches. she’s probably never gonna call me again lmao

aamphitrites:

this is my favorite story that anyone has EVER sent to me

commandtower-solring-go:

jemthecrystalgem:

6qubed:

6qubed:

silvermarmoset:

the new batch of love for john mulaney here on tumblr has got me thinking how critical costume design is once again. john mulaney is a good comedian, but so much of his power comes from how his humor plays off how he’s dressed. we don’t expect a man dressed like a 1960s news announcer, all clean scrubbed and tight-wound professional, to describe in minute detail the visit where a doctor shoved a hand up his ass. imagine any iconic john mulaney set but given in jeans and a t-shirt, and is it as funny? i don’t think so. his humor spreads like wildfire on this website because the image of a man in a buttoned-up shirt and a tie and slicked back hair with fairly narrow lapels on his three-piece suit is fucking hysterical when paired with “years later I’d be in college about to go down on some
rockin’ twink and i’d be like what would leonard bernstein do”

well I do recall a comedian telling about how he accidentally joined the russian mafia on a school trip in college, and this was made more believable by the fact that he was shirtless with a beer belly while telling this story

since someone asked

Frick thank you so much

THE MACHINE